WHEN PEOPLE PLEASING TURNS PARENTS INTO VILLAINS

Is it really love if your choices for me are based on what the neighbours might think?? For most , the "what will people say" culture has shaped childhoods. While some parents raise children, others raise society's approval. From choosing careers for their kids based on prestige and not passion, to policing appearances, relationships, or lifestyles just to look "acceptable". I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I’ve realized something unsettling: a lot of parenting decisions aren’t really about love, understanding, or individuality — they’re about reputation. They’re about the constant fear of “What would people say?” From the schools they force us into, the careers they push us towards, to even the friends we’re “allowed” to keep, so many choices are filtered through society’s expectations rather than a child’s happiness or potential.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000387538.jpg"/>We’ve all seen it — parents comparing their kids to other people’s children like it’s some kind of competition.“Look at your cousin, she’s in medical school.”“See your neighbor’s son? He already has a stable job.”But here’s the thing: children aren’t projects to be graded against each other. We’re individuals with different strengths, dreams, and timelines. When parents obsess over how their kids “measure up” in society’s eyes, they often forget to see their children for who they truly are. In many families, being a “good child” doesn’t actually mean being happy, healthy, or fulfilled. It often means:Choosing the “right” career — the one everyone respects.Living in a way that won’t “embarrass” the family.Hiding parts of yourself just to keep your parents’ image intact.And so, slowly, children stop living for themselves and start living for approval. The sad part? Most parents don’t mean harm. They genuinely believe they’re protecting us. But when a parent’s entire approach to raising a child revolves around society’s opinions, they unknowingly become the very thing they’re afraid of — the villain in their child’s story. Because in trying so hard to please everyone else, they forget the one person whose happiness should matter most: their child. Parenting shouldn’t be about winning society’s applause. It should be about guidance, understanding, and support.It should sound more like:“What do you want to do?”“How can I help you become the best version of yourself? Imagine if more parents focused less on “what people would say” and more on raising individuals who are confident, fulfilled, and free to define success on their own terms. The world would look very different. Parents aren’t perfect, but neither are children. The least we can do is meet each other halfway — to build a home where love matters more than reputation and where children are seen, not just shaped. Because one day, those children grow up.And when they do, they’ll remember less about what society thought of them — and more about whether their parents ever truly did.

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