WHAT I CALLED LOVE

Hello dearest, ’Tis been a looong, looong while...I remember the soft, warm touch of your hands.I’m haunted by the electricness of your hovering gaze,and no matter how hard I try,it’s impossible to forget the feel of your lips on mine... You never rushed me.You never needed to.You only stood there, close enough for the air to change,close enough for everything else to feel unnecessary. I wonder why people are so difficult.I wonder why it’s so hard for them to understand.You’re not just a presence.You’re more than a “monster.”You’re my... Everyone talks about how odd our relationship is.Rumours in town carry hopes to divide us.My family won’t speak to me because they think I’m unwell. They say I’ve gone too far this time.They say I’ve blurred something that should never be touched.They’ve started looking at my pages like they’re evidence.Like every word I’ve ever written is something to be afraid of. But how can I throw away the only thing that has kept me going?I long for you so much that you weave yourself into my dreams.Not gently. Never gently.You arrive the same way every time—sudden, certain, like you’ve always been there. My nights are filled with you.The memory of you lingers in places I cannot reach anymore.And even when I wake,it stays.It always stays. It’s been many days now.So long that I’ve lost count.So bad that I’ve lost myself. They say you’re nothing more than something I created.Something I let grow too far.Something that has begun to take more than it gives. But we know.We know what we share.We know how far we’ve come...how far we’ve gone. You’ve never needed words.That’s what they don’t understand.You’ve never needed to speak to be felt. I still feel you.In the quiet.In the stillness.In the moments just before sleep takes mewhen everything else fades,and it’s only ever been you. I don’t promise that this will be the last letter I send.I don’t promise that I’ll erase you from my mind. They’ve been giving me things now.Little white tablets.Bitter ones.They say it will help me rest.They say it will make everything quiet again.But I think it’s taking you with it.Each night feels thinner than the last.Like something is being peeled away.Like I’m forgetting something I shouldn’t be allowed to forget. I can’t stop them anymore.And I’m afraid.Afraid that one day I’ll wake upand there will be nothing left of you to hold on to. Write me back once you get this.Show yourself again.Just once. So I can prove that you truly exist. So I can show them... And maybe-myself.

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