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Too Young to Bury Her
<p>Life has never been kind to me.</p><p>No matter how hard I try, it keeps proving that effort means nothing.</p><p><br/></p><p>Family?</p><p>I never had one.</p><p><br/></p><p>My father died the day I was born.</p><p>Before I even learned how to breathe, he was gone.</p><p>My mother carried the rest alone,</p><p>dragging herself through life just to keep me alive.</p><p>Life never gave her mercy.</p><p><br/></p><p>Food was survival.</p><p>School fees were humiliation.</p><p>Every day felt like begging the world not to notice us.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then at fifteen, life didn’t just hurt me,</p><p>it detonated.</p><p><br/></p><p>It took my mother.</p><p>My best friend.</p><p>My whole world.</p><p><br/></p><p>I am her only child.</p><p>There is no one to share this weight with.</p><p>No sibling to scream with.</p><p>No one to say, “You’re not crazy, I miss her too.”</p><p>So I carry everything by myself</p><p>while people tell me I’m overreacting.</p><p><br/></p><p>Overreacting?</p><p><br/></p><p>Walking miles while fasting just to get her drugs.</p><p>Lying awake all night, counting her breaths,</p><p>terrified that if I slept she would die.</p><p>Praying and fasting at fifteen years old,</p><p>doing adult grief with a child’s body.</p><p><br/></p><p>At fifteen, I poured sand into my mother’s grave.</p><p>And I was stupid enough to believe</p><p>that if I followed her into the hole,</p><p>she might wake up.</p><p><br/></p><p>I fell in.</p><p>I screamed.</p><p>They dragged me out.</p><p><br/></p><p>She stayed dead.</p><p><br/></p><p>Her body six feet under.</p><p>Cold.</p><p>Still.</p><p>Buried like she was nothing.</p><p><br/></p><p>What do you mean my mother is being planted in the ground?</p><p><br/></p><p>If tears meant anything,</p><p>she would have risen that day.</p><p>If love was enough,</p><p>she would still be here.</p><p><br/></p><p>But love failed.</p><p>God was silent.</p><p>And the ground swallowed her anyway.</p><p><br/></p><p>Now I beg just to see her in dreams,</p><p>because that’s all I’m allowed.</p><p>Pictures.</p><p>Memories.</p><p>Ghosts.</p><p><br/></p><p>I could go on forever.</p><p>This pain doesn’t end, it just waits.</p><p><br/></p><p>I would burn the world down</p><p>if it meant holding her once more.</p><p>Because we weren’t finished, mummy.</p><p><br/></p><p>I still have things to tell you.</p><p>Things to rant about.</p><p>Gossip to share.</p><p>Laughter we never got to finish.</p><p><br/></p><p>I want to steal food from your plate</p><p>and have you shout at me.</p><p>I want to play you movies on my laptop</p><p>when there’s no light</p><p>and complain together.</p><p><br/></p><p>I want to buy you a gift.</p><p>A real birthday gift.</p><p>Not the one I gave you</p><p>right before the universe decided</p><p>you were done.</p>
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