TwoCents | “To All The Friends I’ve Loved Before”

Years ago, I co-produced a film that never saw the light of day with a former friend, and it was centered on the complexities of friendships. Matter of fact; it was inspired by a childhood friendship that began in secondary school. This person and I had a big falling out where we didn’t talk to each-other for an entire year. It was a shock to everyone who knew how close we were, and it was the biggest fight we had ever had. We eventually reconciled and as a result of this, I was driven to tell a story exploring the depths of friendships. Fast-forward to 2023 and me plus this same friend had another spat, one where even though we patched things up once more, we still haven’t recovered fully from.But all the above is not the crux of the matter. Essentially, I write this as a sort of ‘ode’ to all the friends I loved before. I cherish the fact that, however fleeting, we significantly impacted each other's lives, both positively and negatively. Although the negativity was unwelcome, it ultimately strengthened me, and maybe them as well. As 50 Cent once said, "Joy wouldn't feel so good without pain," abi wetin my guy talk?So, cheers to all the friends I've loved before - the ones I invested heavily in, only to receive minimal reciprocity. The ones who disparaged me behind my back and failed to mention my name in rooms of opportunity. The ones I shouldered the burden of friendship for, unbothered by the imbalance until my mumu reached peak ‘mumuness.’ I will certainly not be leaving out the ones I regarded as sisters, as per only girl.  Those ones in whom I sought a sisterly bond only to find they were never really in my corner.  Or is it the meaningful connections I thought I had with some male friends, as well? One friend, whose hospitality I once accepted, revealed themselves to be a peeping Tom. Another consistently employed "negging," belittling my appearance and attributes to undermine my confidence. And lastly to the friends who just fell off. No fights, no quarrels, simply drifted off… …to all these friends I loved before, how are you faring? Look at us - no longer in each other's lives, yet the world did not come to an end.This paradox is both the beauty and the tragedy of growing up. As we grow, our tolerance for relationships that don't align with our purpose wanes. You just do not have the energy to fake a connection or put up with a toxic one anymore. Yet, with age should also come the wisdom to acknowledge that friendship breakups aren't always someone else's fault. I therefore; accept my role in dismantling some of the aforementioned relationships.There were times when I didn’t handle arguments with maturity. Times when I let my weyrey get the best of me. In summary, ending friendships can be more challenging than we care to admit. Often, it's more painful than parting ways with romantic partners, as finding genuine friends and people who just get you becomes increasingly difficult with age. I nostalgically remember some of these friends and the moments we shared; others, not so much. And some, not at all.  Nevertheless, to all these friends I loved before, I appreciate the impact you had on my life and wish you all the best from my corner of the earth.  And as much as this nostalgia led me to pen this, na here e end. E go be. ✌️

Other insights from Belinda Chiazor