The Experience: My Wabi-Sabi journey_(2) Depression sets in.....

Still on the experienceStill on my Wabi-Sabi journey......The first piece ended at the moment I received the blow.......The damage had already been done 😓, that same statement "SO YOU ARE A STAMMERER!!" pierced me deeply and I became fatally wounded....A WOUND THAT TOOK ITS TOLL ON ME FOR FOUR GOOD YEARS😪...So after that moment at LSUBEB, going back was very quiet between my teacher and I, she was busy boiling but no one in the bus needed her anger, and as for me I was busy sulking privately because NO ONE NEEDED A STAMMERER. Flashback to other qualifying rounds, one of my teacher who taught me at Primary 4 will always be at the gate waiting, no matter how late we might be despite the fact that she was living very far away, she made it a tradition to wait behind to hear the outcome (which has now become a routine of success, so she was used to hearing that I qualified). So on this particular day, she was waiting as usual but when she met my face...she knew something had happened, confirming from my teacher the bad news, she pulled me to a very deep hug different from the ones she always give me when we qualify, and I cried into her shoulders, she and my other teacher were thinking I was crying because we lost but they didn't know I was crying because I was called a STAMMERER in such a degrading manner.My school compensated me with a gift (which I still possess till today) and one of my teacher's soothing days, she called me with an unusually gentle and slightly deep voice, calling my surname she said :"Oyinloye.......look at me" I did, and she said "NO ONE can debate as you do". I understood she was trying to make me cheer up but it still didn't do the magic (though it did after four years). The statement of that female judge brought back jests and mockeries that I once disregarded and this time, as each of them keep playing in my head it will always end with that statement "SO YOU'RE A STAMMERER!!'. Due to this, I fell into depression, (I didn't even know was called depression, but I knew I was down), now this is what I meant in the cover picture when I said "...when one is down mentally, every other thing will be down in one's life....". I scaled through my common entrance with this same mentality and I vowed NEVER TO BE OPEN, I vowed I WILL ALWAYS REMIND MYSELF I'M A STAMMERER so I won't dare to be one brilliant boy that'll be representing his school. It affected my academics and throughout my junior secondary school I kept dropping to the extent that my BECE(also called JUNIOR WAEC) result was close to failure, I was a shadow of myself spiritually, "WHY DID GOD CREATE ME AS A STAMMERER?" I always asked myself with anger , I became too playful (because in that way I believed I usually relieve myself) that I started acting as a mediocre both at school and at home....... Don't let me bore you with my past, let me stop here....All this continued until ONE DAY.....I had a discussion with my brother and myself..........To be continued......Next: My moment of transformation 😌

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