My mom claims my dad couldn't resist her when he first saw her. I think it's called love at first sight. She carry am go where he no know. She equally shares the crazy story that my dad was quite interested in the fact that she was quite industrious and that she had recently returned from Lagos. Her next trip was to the church, where they exchanged valuable vows to do forever as one.
My dad's recollection of the story above is quite different. I'll share that some other time.
Sorry to disappoint you, but this piece is not about my parents love story.
Sincere apologies for wetting your appetite!
It's that time of the year when everyone is talking about love and stressing the need to show love, as though love is seasonal. What a world we live in!
A tonne of people will succumb to the pressure of spending beyond their means just to please people they claim to love. I mean, the gesture is nice, but can we start loving intelligently? I think we're slowly getting to a point where love will become meaningless, relationships will be mostly transactional, and love will be used as leverage.
I've been of the opinion that we like "because of" and we love "irrespective of"... This sits well with me because love sees beyond people's excesses, but love ain't eternal. Eternal in the sense that it's possible to fall out of love with someone. Yeah, I do believe this, particularly with the fact that we consider love a feeling. I think without intentionality, that feeling can become bland. It's kind of like when the dopamine rush is no longer there. When the person who once made your heart skip isn't giving, as Gen Z's say!
It's being left with smoke, not fire. Well, I think it's bound to happen because even our views on love evolve as we age.
In a world where gender roles are heavily ridiculed and criticised, it's crazy how there's still so much talk about what people should contribute to a relationship.
I'm sure you've heard the question—what do you bring to the table?
Na Relationship we de call table ooo!
The question in itself is not evil, but it can throw you off balance.
I've listened to a few people comment on this, and it's not surprising how they mostly take a materialistic approach. It's mostly about provision in terms of money.
Hello world, there are things more valuable than money in a relationship. I get that most times love gets all the credit when money does most of the work, but we shouldn't subject ourselves to the concept of value in terms of just money. That, to me, is just insane.
On the flip side, it's understandable because this heatwave in Nigeria and the inflation have affected our perspective. Sapa no be anybody mate.
You can bring emotional support, knowledge, business ideas, a listening ear, stubbornness, humour, respect, and even peace of mind to the table.
In fact, we should rephrase the question to "What do you want on the table?"
I think sometimes people aren't realistic and considerate when it comes to conversations about relationships. Let your potential partner (prospect!) Know what you want and ask them what they want in a relationship. You'll be surprised that most people may not stay focused on just money. Maybe I'm wrong.
So when you take your chair towards that table, think long-term. Remember that relationships are not a sprint—no be quickie!
It's a marathon where both parties must cross the finish line together to avoid being disqualified, and this is irrespective of the pace of each runner.
Dear men and women, society has defined its own expectations on the table so much that the table is unstable. Watch out for the bait and think outside the box. Fix your own table, and maybe your meal won't fall off!
I don talk my own finish.
Advise is like an elective course, no be everybody de take am!
Happy Valentine!
Tables, chairs, and benches.
By
Samuel Ibok