TwoCents | Society, Women and Sex

It’s 2024 and people still try to police women; particularly when it pertains to our sexuality.  The audacity! The unmitigated gall!God forbid you’re a woman in your thirties, forties or even fifties who is contentedly single! Who are you to be happy with your spinsterhood when your mates are married with kids? And even when you’re married, how dare you have a life outside of your husband and children? Also, if you’re a single pringle, heaven forbid you express desire for a man younger than you are!These unspoken rules are ludicrous, suffocating and of-course, designed to hold women back. Reminds me of Uriel from “Big Brother Naija” getting trolled every-time she openly talks about the men she fancies who are usually younger than her. Or is it Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade? Or one social media influencer in America “Draya Michelle” dating and being pregnant for a younger guy? But it’s okay for men to date and marry younger women. In my country Nigeria, they even marry pre-teens. So, na thunder go fire anybody who has a problem with women being with men they’re older than, because you go tell me whether the term “body no be firewood” only applies to male hominids.For those who are wallowing in the land of dimwits: women are sensual, sexual creatures and the saying “the older the berry, the sweeter the juice” couldn’t be more accurate. Women come into their own once they hit the 30 mark, and some even before. But there’s something special for me about being in my third decade.I hit 30 and it was like an awakening. My confidence level shot through the roof – my self awareness, more love and respect for myself plus what it took to get me here mentally, spiritually and even physically, made me more appreciative of life… …Omo! It’s not been an easy journey but I’m thankful. Regarding my body and sexuality, as a former string bean I have filled out in all the right places, stepping into my grown woman body as I’ve gotten older. I also became more unabashed with sex. I take charge sometimes, steering and guiding my partner in the bedroom towards our combined pleasure. Women have been made to feel ashamed to have sex since I was born. To even think or talk about it na problem, let alone the world knowing you’re having it, so I make it a priority to enjoy sex, discuss it in public if I want to — anything to curb the stigma attached to women being comfortable in their sexuality. I’m also wiser, less accepting of toxicity yet more tolerant of people. I’m just more secure in myself, don’t need to put others down unprovoked, and don’t perpetually seek external validation either.It’s a delicious place to be. And when it comes to sex, you’re more aware of your needs as you mature, as well as less inhibited too. Let me speak for myself sha. Hehe.Cheers to all the 30+ women in the world. We rock! As do all women, of-course. And if you didn’t “knew” this before, now you “knew!”

Other insights from Belinda Chiazor