REFUSING TO BE SMALL - by Muhammad Mercurial

Him: You ever notice how people smile at you and secretly measuring themselves against you ? Her: I notice when they stop listening and start comparing. Him: It is exhausting pretending that does not bother me. Her: It bothered me until I realized I was participating without consent. Him: So you just walked away. Her: I stopped explaining myself and the distance created itself. Him: That sounds lonely. Her: It is quieter, not lonelier. Him: I do not know the difference yet. Her: You will when silence stops feeling like punishment. Him: I grew up thinking love was supposed to fix people. Her: Love is not a repair shop, it is a witness. Him: That is a hard truth. Her: Hard truths are cheaper than therapy later. Him: You joke when things get heavy. Her: Humor keeps me from screaming at the wrong people. Him: I used to think competition kept me sharp. Her: Competition kept you distracted. Him: From what. Her: From figuring out who you were without an audience. Him: That hits harder than I expected. Her: It should, you have been performing for years. Him: I learned early that applause feels like safety. Her: Applause fades fast when you stop entertaining. Him: You sound like you have tested that theory. Her: I lived it, lost people, gained sleep. Him: Sleep sounds underrated. Her: Peace teaches you what rest actually feels like. Him: People say you changed. Her: People say that when they no longer benefit from your old habits. Him: I worry about being called difficult. Her: I worry about being drained. Him: You choose yourself quickly. Her: No, I choose myself after years of choosing everyone else. Him: That explains the calm. Her: Calm is expensive, I protect it. Him: With rules. Her: With boundaries and consequences. Him: Consequences scare people. Her: They should scare the right ones. Him: I am trying to unlearn needing to be liked. Her: Start with telling the truth even when your voice shakes. Him: What if the truth costs me people. Her: Then they were renting space you needed to own. Him: You make it sound simple. Her: Simple does not mean easy. Him: I stayed in places that drained me because love was there. Her: Love alone is not a reason to suffer. Him: That feels wrong to say out loud. Her: It feels wrong because you were taught endurance instead of discernment. Him: You talk like someone who learned the hard way. Her: Pain is an excellent teacher if you stop romanticizing it. Him: I romanticized struggle for years. Her: That is how people stay stuck while calling it growth. Him: You do not sugarcoat anything. Her: I stopped confusing kindness with silence. Him: I wish I learned that sooner. Her: You learned it now, timing is not a failure. Him: I keep asking myself why peace feels unfamiliar. Her: Because chaos was normalized. Him: I thought chaos meant passion. Her: Chaos is unresolved pain asking for attention. Him: So what does healthy love feel like. Her: Safe, boring on some days, exciting without fear, quiet without distance. Him: That sounds almost unreal. Her: It only feels unreal when dysfunction felt like home. Him: I think I am grieving versions of myself I outgrew. Her: Grief is part of growth, let it happen. Him: I miss who I was before disappointment. Her: That person was innocent, not informed. Him: I do not want to be hardened. Her: You do not have to be hardened to be protected. Him: That balance feels tricky. Her: It is practiced, not perfected. Him: People still try to test your limits. Her: And they learn quickly that access is earned. Him: You do not argue much. Her: I stopped explaining my worth to people committed to misunderstanding me. Him: That sentence alone could end friendships. Her: It ended the wrong ones. Him: I am scared of being alone in my honesty. Her: Honesty attracts people who can meet you there. Him: What if they never come. Her: Then solitude will teach you how strong you already are. Him: You make solitude sound powerful. Her: Solitude is where I remembered myself. Him: I fill silence with noise. Her: Silence is only loud when you are avoiding yourself. Him: You are dangerously self aware. Her: Awareness came after denial stopped working. Him: Did it hurt losing people. Her: It hurt more staying where I was shrinking. Him: I shrink when I try to keep everyone comfortable. Her: Comfort is not your responsibility. Him: That feels selfish. Her: Self preservation often gets mislabeled by people who benefit from your exhaustion. Him: I see why they call you intimidating. Her: I see why they call you agreeable. Him: That one stings. Her: Good, discomfort invites change. Him: I am learning to say no without explaining. Her: Silence after no is where your power lives. Him: People push back. Her: They push when they are used to winning. Him: You sound certain. Her: Certainty comes from keeping promises to yourself. Him: I break those promises often. Her: Forgive yourself, then do better next time. Him: You believe people can change. Her: I believe people change when discomfort outweighs convenience. Him: That is honest. Her: Honesty keeps me sane. Him: I want what you have, that calm. Her: You cannot copy it, you have to build it. Him: Where do I start. Her: Stop competing, stop proving, stop staying where your nervous system screams. Him: That is a lot to stop. Her: Growth is subtraction before addition. Him: People will notice the absence. Her: Let them notice, do not explain. Him: You really do not care what they think. Her: I care less than I care about my peace. Him: That peace seems non negotiable. Her: It is the one thing I will not discount. Him: Even for love. Her: Especially for love. Him: That feels radical. Her: It feels necessary. Him: I am afraid I will fail at this. Her: Failure is returning to what hurt you after you know better. Him: Then I am still learning. Her: Learning is allowed. Him: You stay sharp but soft. Her: Softness is my choice, not an invitation. Him: I respect that. Her: Respect sounds like behavior, not compliments. Him: Then I will show it. Her: Good, words are cheap. Him: You challenge people just by existing. Her: I challenge people by refusing to be small. Him: I want to stand like that. Her: Stand first when you are alone. Him: That is harder. Her: That is where it counts. Him: I think this conversation changed something in me. Her: Change happens quietly before it shows loudly. Him: Will you stay. Her: I stay where I am respected, not needed. Him: I am not trying to own you. Her: Good, companionship thrives without possession. Him: I want to walk beside you, not ahead or behind. Her: Then walk at your own pace. Him: I am done competing. Her: Then you are finally free to be yourself. Him: That feels terrifying and relieving. Her: Growth often feels like that. Him: Thank you for not shrinking. Her: Thank you for rising without asking me to dim. Him: This feels real. Her: Real is quiet, steady, and intentional. Him: I can live with that. Her: Then protect it.

Other insights from Muhammad Mercurial

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons