TwoCents | RECOVERING FROM A “GHOST”

Our generation is weird. Almost everyone I know has been ghosted at least once in their adult life — and from the look of things, MEN are the biggest culprits. Chill, this is not me covering the women with an invisible cloak. If you are reading this, it’s either you’ve been ghosted or you are a regular ghost or you’re just passing by. Which is it ? Ghosting is the practice of disappearing from someone's life without warning or explanation. It's a phenomenon that has become all too common in the world of dating and relationships. But what does it say about you as a person when you’d rather vanish into thin air than confront someone and tell them the truth?. Sounds silly right? YES, I think so too. First of all, ghosting is just plain rude. It's like inviting someone to a party and then locking them out when they arrive at your door. It shows a complete lack of respect for the other person's feelings and time. Sure, it might seem easier to just disappear than to have a difficult conversation, but it's important to remember that the other person deserves to know what's going on; whatever it might be. Like people say these days “nobody is going to beat you” if you communicate. That’s what adults do — THEY TALK. Being ghosted can be a painful and confusing experience, leaving you feeling rejected, hurt, and wondering what went wrong; even worse, when you genuinely liked the person and had already started dreaming of walking down the aisle with them. Trust me, nothing is wrong with you. That person is just badly behaved and their actions show that they are not worthy to be in your life either as a friend or partner or both. Recovering from a ghost may not be easy depending on how far gone you guys were before they disappeared. Here are things that you should do to help you move on with ease. <ol> <li>Avoid blaming yourself: It's important to remember that being ghosted is not your fault. It's easy to blame yourself and think you did something wrong, but the truth is that ghosting is a reflection of the other person's behavior, not yours. </li> <li>Don’t CHASE after them. While we know this is wrong, “no answer” is also an answer. Take the cue. You can try to reach out but once it’s obvious that it has become a ‘ghostuation’ just let it go; for the sake of your self respect and mental health. I promise you, chasing after a ghost is a waste of time. Chasing after them will only prolong the pain and may lead to further rejection. Accept that the relationship is over and focus on moving forward. </li> <li>Take care of yourself. After an encounter with a ghost, you need to take care of yourself. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with being ghosted, but also make sure to practice self-care. Get enough rest, eat healthy, exercise, and do things that make you happy. These things will help cleanse your spirit from that ghostly energy surrounding you. </li> <li>Reach out to friends and family. Surround yourself with people who care about you— people who can offer support and a listening ear. Talking to others can help you process your feelings and gain perspective on the situation. You don’t have to be ashamed of being in this kind of situation. You’re not the bad guy here. </li> <li>Do not let them in again, especially if they came back without a reasonable explanation. Chances are, they will repeat it again. You need to make them understand that you’re not a piece of tool that they can pick up and use at will. Think of it for a minute, why did they disappear and reappear?. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, can’t put the blame on you. </li> </ol> Remember, recovering from being ghosted takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the space you need to heal. Eventually, you will be able to move on and find love and happiness again. Life is too short to waste on people who don't have the decency to tell us the truth. Most importantly, to the ghosts who are here in this fellowship… Ghosting is not cool. It leaves the other person feeling confused, hurt, and rejected. It's a terrible feeling to think you've made a connection with someone only to have them disappear without a trace. We can all make an effort to be more honest and direct in our communication. If you're not interested in someone, tell them. It may be uncomfortable in the moment, but it's better than leaving them hanging and wondering what happened. Ghosting is a terrible habit that needs to stop. Let's all commit to being more honest and direct in our communication. Are you a ghost or have you had an encounter with a ghost before ? I would like to hear about it in the comment section.

Other insights from Emaa Ezeifeka