<p><br/></p><p><img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/4824.png"/></p><p><br/></p><p>There is a creature beneath the surface of me;</p><p>restless, enormous, older than naming </p><p>that rises whenever you turn your face toward the window</p><p>and the light finds your glasses first,</p><p>then, slow as a sacrament,</p><p>finds your eyes.</p><p><br/></p><p><em>Brown as the October water at Wallowa,</em></p><p><em>brown as the silt beneath,</em></p><p><em>brown as the thing that breathes down there</em></p><p><em>and does not die.</em></p><p><br/></p><p>---</p><p><br/></p><p>I have pressed my ear to stranger shores.</p><p>I have listened for the sound of God</p><p>in the reeds, in the collapsed mouths of old volcanoes.</p><p>But nothing: </p><p><em>nothing </em>prepares a man for the architecture of you.</p><p><br/></p><p>The curve of your shoulder is a shoreline I keep returning to,</p><p>shipwrecked and grateful,</p><p>grateful and ruined.</p><p>The slope from your waist to your hip.</p><p>I set my hand there like a hymnal,</p><p>like a boy in a pew who has just learned,</p><p>that holiness is something</p><p><em>you can touch.</em></p><p><br/></p><p>---</p><p><br/></p><p>When you speak, it is not perfect.</p><p>The syllables come a little sideways,</p><p>a little soft around the edges,</p><p><em>oh, but Mother, oh, but mercy</em></p><p>it is the most honest sound I have ever been undone by.</p><p>Not the voice of angels in their terrible geometry,</p><p>but something closer:</p><p>a human thing,</p><p>warm and imprecise and <em>mine</em>.</p><p>A sentence that begins in one place,</p><p>and ends somewhere tender and unplanned,</p><p>the way all the best rivers do.</p><p><br/></p><p>---</p><p><br/></p><p>And my heart </p><p><br/></p><p><em>Eugene, I am not well.</em></p><p><br/></p><p>My heart has grown teeth.</p><p>It presses against the ribs like something that has remembered it is wild,</p><p>like the monster remembering the whole dark width of the lake is hers.</p><p><br/></p><p>It says: <em>Hold her! Don’t let go.</em></p><p>You stand at the edge of something,</p><p>the waters very deep,</p><p><em>and you do not mind.</em></p><p><br/></p><p>---</p><p><br/></p><p>So, I hold you.</p><p><br/></p><p>Both hands at the soft latitude of your waist,</p><p>the way you would carry a light</p><p>through a corridor with no walls</p><p><em>carefully</em>,</p><p>with your whole body leaning slightly toward.</p><p><br/></p><p>---</p><p><br/></p><p>There are monsters in every lake.</p><p>There is a creature in every chest</p><p>that wants to split the ribs and rise.</p><p><br/></p><p>Mine rose the day I saw you,</p><p>tilting your glasses up with one finger,</p><p>squinting at something small and bright.</p><p>and I thought:</p><p><br/></p><p><em>This is the most fragile and irreplaceable thing,</em></p><p><em>I have ever been allowed to stand beside.</em></p><p><em>Handle her like the last good light of an afternoon</em></p><p><em>you cannot photograph</em></p><p><em>and cannot keep</em></p><p><em>and cannot stop</em></p><p><em>standing in. </em></p><p><br/></p><p>--</p><p><br/></p><p>You are porcelain.</p><p>You are the kept thing.</p><p>You are the cup my grandmother never let us use</p><p>set now in the middle of the table,</p><p>full of something living,</p><p>full of something I would crawl across</p><p>every cold floor in Oregon to reach.</p><p><br/></p><p>I will not drop you.</p><p>I will not drop you.</p><p>I will hold the curve of you,</p><p>like a psalm I finally understand.</p><p><br/></p><p><em>not with the grip of a man who is afraid,</em></p><p><em>but with the hands of a man,</em></p><p><em>who knows exactly what he is holding.</em></p>
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