<p>I looked out the window, it was covered with snow and the people’s footprints that littered it. I didn’t know who they were but I knew they were downstairs, they must be here for the funeral. Winter has always been a weather I wasn’t fond of, the cold breeze has always been a little too much for me. I would prefer staying in my room all through winter but I know that isn’t happening, mum is never going to let that happen. For some reason, it felt colder than it usually would have been. I guess the weather guy on Channel number 5 finally got it right. I pick up my extra sweater and wore it over my black dress. I looked at the mirror, my curly hair kept peeping out my bun. I don't think anyone gets how hard being an African child is and to make matters worse, mum doesn't want me to cut my hair or at least straighten it. "It suits you" she says, but then again, that's her answer for everything. She doesn’t know what it means to be an African teenager in the Uk. I like to I imagine that she will throw a fuss if I come back with my hair dyed purple or green but she doesn't really care actually. One time, I ran away from home, I came back because I was hungry but she didn't even notice I was gone for five days.
</p><p> I head downstairs to face the crowd. Being invisible has never been hard for me, I have been doing pretty much that my entire life, so avoiding this crowd till the wake is over isn’t going to be hard. I help myself to the Cinnamon Rolls mum had made for the guests who were coming to pay their respects. Just as I was about to take a bite I could see Sadie, the girl at my school coming towards my direction. The last thing I need is some girl who barely ever talks to me, only when she's looking for someone to assault, mentally and physically to give me a hug and act like she actually cares someone died, she doesn’t care, they all don’t care. I drop the Cinnamon Roll and race outside, it’s cold but I prefer it than talking to Sadie. I could see everyone turning around, I can feel their questioning eyes all around me. I guess she didn’t notice me cos I can see her talking to Benjamin my brother, and why won’t she? She’s so pathetic, they are so pathetic I can see mum from the window, bringing out a tray of cookies, they look yummy, they always do but I didn’t have appetite, I guess funerals aren’t meant for me.
</p><p> I head to the garage, that’s the only place I can be alone, I thought I was ready for this, I guess that’s a lie, so much for being invisible. Now that I think about it, this is the most attention I’ve had in a while. Normally, mum just acts like Benjamin, Mabel and Shawn are the only kids she has. I have to be there for her at least, when they open the coffin. I’m still her daughter. I head back inside, outside is freezing. Benjamin is right beside mum and Shawn is beside him. Mum has started giving her speech. I need to be with mum, she needs to know that she's not alone. I stand at the other side, just few inches from them. I can feel all eyes on them and not me, but this isn’t about me, not right now. The least they can do still is acknowledge that I lost someone as well. I can hear my ears ringing, I knew it was hard but I didn’t know it was this hard. I don’t think I can do it. My legs begins to shake and my hands are sweaty. I’m panicking, I know it, I have to be strong. But saying goodbye to her is hard. I can’t even remember how she died, if she died. I can feel my legs weak, I barely stand anymore I feel so light headed. Just as mum is about to open the coffin, I lean towards her to hold but I guess I missed, I am on the hard floor, unconscious.
</p><p>My eyes are still closed but I can feel the softness of my surroundings. Slowly, I open my eyes. It takes me a while to understand what is going on. I look at the window, the once dull covered sky filled with snow is gone, all that is left is darkness. And then it hit me,
</p><p>"Shit! I wasn’t there for her.” A part of me wants to go to her and give her a hug and the other part is frightened of her reaction.
</p><p> My legs are still weak so I just lay on my bed and face the ceiling. Maybe if I had that cinnamon roll at the wake maybe I wouldn’t feel so weak. Come to think about it, i can’t remember when last I had something to eat. I guess my eating habits have changed ever since she died, I haven’t had the best appetite of late. I look at the clock at my bed stand, it's quarter past three.
</p><p>“I have to eat something even though I’m not hungry!” I tell myself as I carry myself off my bed. I head to the kitchen as quietly as I can, the last thing I need is to wake anyone up. I move past Shawn's room. His door is closed but not locked. I get one look at him as he's sleeping soundly, I kind of envy that a little bit. With so much going on, I wouldn’t mind a good night rest. I close the door back and continue my frolicking to the kitchen until I hear a voice coming out of Benjamin's room and it's a woman’s voice. His door is slightly open so I just stay at the entrance. I can still hear her moaning as I get closer. But it’s so funny, someone died and you bring back some girl you want to screw ? Boys are always stupid, I don’t understand them. I see the person he's having sex with and I understand that Bengy, Just Bengy is stupid. He’s having sex with Sadie. How could he? I'm pretty sure he knows that Sadie doesn’t like me. Ever since we were in kindergarten, all she ever did was pick on me and the rest of the class joined her because apparently, Sadie is cool and i’m not. So when she stole all my clothes after gym and made me come out naked in front of the whole school, no one did anything, well they did take some pictures and made some videos on their phones. Why she did it you ask, well apparently, she wanted to prove that I am not pretty and yes, she won. Yea, I have my nudes all over the internet. After that day, I was known as monkey girl.
</p><p>“Next time, close your bloody door!”
</p><p> I slam the door and walk out, they need to know that someone saw them. I can’t wait for him to go to college. At least that way, I can finish high school with one less problem. Its’s not like he ever did anything for me when he was there. I expected him to run after me or yell back or something but he doesn’t. I don’t care, he can do whatever he wants to do with Sadie.
</p><p>I look at Mabel’s room. The door is closed. I touch the door knob and its locked. I’m sure mum locked it. Now that she’s gone, mum can’t bear to see that room. I sit at the entrance of the door. Her door was still decorated with pony stickers and Barbie stickers. “So this is life without Mabel?” I ask myself over and over.This is the question I have been so afraid to ask myself all through. My baby sister is dead. I try so hard to remember how she passe away but I can't remember. This is the reason I couldn’t say good bye to her, to Mabel. I am trying so hard to fight the tears away. I still want see her again, one last time at least, let me tell her good bye but that's not going to work. I put my hands across the door. I really hope she can feel my presence here and i walk away. I don’t have appetite anymore so I go to my room. I think it’s better I get some sleep. I'm pretty sure when I woke up eariler, I wasn’t wearing my black dress but why am I wearing it again? I guess I’m just stressed out. I take it off and put on my pyjamas and climb into the covers. "Today has been a long day." I tell myself as I slowly sleep off.
</p><p>I doubt I got any sleep cos by the time I open my eyes, it’s morning. Its like the whole house is a grave yard, I can’t hear anyone and I'm too tired to go down stairs to check on anyone. I woke up thinking about Jeremy. He's the first person that comes to my mind . I didn’t see him at the funeral. Did he even come? I doubt he did, the last thing he needs is hanging out with me. I really hope he didn’t see me faint. God! That would be embarrassing. Jeremy is just a year older than me and we aren't in the same class. He's a senior, all the girls in my class has a crush on him, including me. I had really hoped that after that one time we kissed at that party in his house that Friday, we could be something more, like boyfriend and girlfriend. During the party, he was drinking so, he asked me to follow him to his bedroom, I was estatic, this was it, he was going to have sex </p><p>
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The girl at the window part...
By
Khadijah Mohammed
•
3 plays