HE stayed when I didn’t. - by Christianah Oparinde

I don’t remember the exact day I started drifting.But I remember how it felt. It wasn’t loud—it was quiet.Like slowly sinking into water and convincing myself I was floating.I would pray… but my mind wandered.I would worship… but my heart felt cold.I showed up for everyone else—but I stopped showing up for me.I stopped showing up for God. There was a time I felt so close to Him.Like I could whisper my fears and feel Him wrap me in peace.I was journaling, praying, fasting, dreaming with Him.I believed I was on fire. Then life happened.I started breaking in ways I didn’t expect.I got tired. I got hurt.And somewhere in the ache, I stopped speaking to God like a friend.He became a background voice I thought I didn’t deserve to hear anymore. I did things I shouldn’t have done.Ran back to people I had no business loving.Stayed in places where I was only tolerated, never treasured.And still, God stayed. He stayed when I closed my Bible.He stayed when I doubted every promise.He stayed when I cried at night and felt unworthy to pray.He stayed when I begged Him to let me go because I thought I had failed too much to be held again. He stayed through every relapse.He stayed when my body was shaking from exhaustion and I had to write tests or stand on a stage or smile like everything was okay. I remember once, I was walking back from class—completely drained.I hadn’t eaten all day, my finances were in shambles, and I just whispered, “God, are You still with me?”And the breeze kissed my face.It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t a miracle.It was subtle.But it was Him. I’ve seen Him in the small:In the job that came unexpectedly.In the people who held me when I couldn’t hold myself.In the moments I stood to lead prayers even when I didn’t feel worthy.In the way He never stopped calling me “daughter”—even when I stopped answering. This is my story:I left sometimes.I doubted often.I wandered far.But God never let go. He held on. And every time I came back, He didn’t say, “Where have you been?”He said, “Welcome back. I’ve been here all along.” So no, this isn’t a story about a perfect Christian girl.It’s a story about a girl who broke, fell, cried, failed…And still found herself wrapped in a love that never moved. This is my story of how God stayed.

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