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For A Person That Loves Peace: I Give Myself Too Much Anxiety
<p>For a person that loves peace, I give myself too much anxiety.</p><p>For someone who craves serenity with every fibre of her being,</p><p>I have mastered the art of manufacturing my own storms. </p><p><br/></p><p>I love peace, yet I drench myself in anxiety, as though my mind is more comfortable wrestling with imaginary battles than resting in the calm I claim to desire. It’s ironic, almost tragic, how a heart built for gentleness can still be its own source of chaos.</p><p><br/></p><p>For a person who yearns for peace</p><p>I worry too much about my future.</p><p>I sabotage my own breath.</p><p>And sometimes I fear that the turbulence I create inside is nothing compared to reality.</p><p><br/></p><p>I question every answer.</p><p>Every move, every silence and my heart begins to wonder if they already hate me.</p><p><br/></p><p>I crave peace</p><p>Yet I orchestrate my own chaos.</p><p><br/></p><p>For a person that loves peace </p><p>I fear for my grades before I sit for an exam.</p><p><br/></p><p>For a person that loves peace</p><p>The way I sum up my money being exhausted, before it comes and after is crazy.</p><p><br/></p><p>For a person that loves peace</p><p>The way I think of the next meal, while still cooking is crazy.</p><p><br/></p><p>And again for a person that loves peace.</p><p>The way I romanticize love stories, save pins for recreations, price dresses, practice my dance steps, pick my Aseobi colours, follow event planners page, even after my 10th failed talking stage at a stretch is crazy.</p><p><br/></p><p>A gentle heart trapped in its own intensity</p><p>That is the paradox I live with.</p><p><br/></p><p>Is anxiety a response to my fears, or just the storeroom where every un<span style="background-color: transparent;">resolved worry is stacked?.</span></p>
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