TwoCents | Does Loving give you life?

Charlie is surrounded by friends that evening - they’re all from work. The warm lights of the bar create a cosy atmosphere as they gather around a meal and drinks - the mood is celebratory. Charlie’s divorce is final - he’s free of the shackles of his marriage. In the front a stocky man starts on the piano; The tune is Being Alive from the original 1970 musical, company. Charlie knows this song - every theatre nerd knows this. He takes a swig of his drink and gets up; he’s about to entertain the entire room with this number. Marriage Story is a picture released in 2019; written and directed by Noah Baumbach. The film shines a light on the deterioration of the marriage between Charlie and his wife, Nicole, played by Scarlett Johansson. Charlie, played by Adam Driver, gets up in the middle of the evening's festivities following the end of the marriage, and sings with scepticism about marriage in agreement with how the original character Bobby sang it in 1970:  Someone to hold me too close.  Someone to hurt me too deep.  Someone to sit in my chair,  To ruin my sleep,  To make me aware of being alive.  Being alive. Someone I have to let in,  Someone whose feelings I spare,  Someone who, like it or not,  Will want me to share  A little, a lot.  Is being alive.  Being alive. Being alive. Unlike Bobby, however, Charlie is at the other end of marriage now; he starts the song with a certain defiance as if saying “Who would ever want to be married? Good riddance!” on and on he sings and then he sits - acknowledging the applause of the bar. During the second verse, he comes to a similar realisation that the original character does; he does want someone to hold him too close; someone putting him through some misery yet offering unwavering support is what being alive is about. Where Bobby now sees all he might gain from Marriage; Charlie realises for the first time what he has lost. In the second verse, the character mirrors the desires of the first musical; enough with the cynicism - what does he want? Somebody need me too much.  Somebody know me too well.  Somebody pull me up short,  And put me through hell,  And give me support,  For being alive.  Make me alive.  Make me alive. Make me confused.  Mock me with praise.  Let me be used.  Vary my days. But alone,  Is alone,  Not alive. “Alone is alone; not alive”. This song by Stephen Sondheim encapsulates a full and reflective take on the nature of the kind of love that might last a lifetime; this is the way we discover who are and know we’re alive through love. We are never so tormented as when invited to a love we believe we want no part of. Love is a call to a very serious dedication; It uproots one’s imagined ideas of themselves and forces us to be more than we are, even for just one other person. Charlie got applause at the end of the first verse as he motioned as though returning to sit, but as he encores with the second verse he is greeted from within himself by a silent despair. He has lost this call to life - the love that made him feel alive even when it drove him mad; and even though he didn’t know it before, he knew now that he wanted it. In this sense, love becomes like another famous institution where people dedicate themselves fully in hopes of finding themselves - love becomes like a religion. As I described earlier, a love we do not return that is impressed on us is tormenting. It appears like the call to a deep (nearly religious) dedication that can only upset us. On the other side of the arrangement, the one who continues to love or dedicate their life to a love unreturned practices what Frank Ocean describes as bad religion. If it brings me to my knees It's a bad religion Ah-ah, oh, unrequited love To me, it's nothin' but a one-man cult And cyanide in my styrofoam cup I can never make him love me Never make him love me  Alone is alone and it might barely be living because there is no one to dedicate oneself to, but dedicating your heart to someone who wants nothing to do with it is still alone. What's more, it's a bad religion or dedication. In these songs discussed above, we find complete stories relating to love. I've written about the cruelty of expecting the erotic love that first comes to last forever and the paradox of defining it as the basis of marriage. Here there is perhaps the full reflection on the kind of love that might last lifetimes. Ironically, a story about divorce and a song about a man in love all on his own can show that love can last; the kind of love that keeps you up at night; where the partner rocks your day with laughter, annoyance, as well as a demand for your better self; and yet, gives you the peace of confirming your existence; is all that stands a chance.

Other insights from Joshua Omoijiade