Dearest Philip, - by Eyitoluwase Soyinka

Dear Philip,I wanted to write to you since...that yearBut anytime I picked up my paper, to pen words to it...I crumbled in tearsI don't know how to say I'm sorry for something I'm not sorry for?I've thought of many ways to apologize sincerely? If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn't have done what I did, but I just want you to know my sideI want you to understand why I did what I did? Because there's an explanation Do you remember taye, the guy who came to pick me up , the one I had been seeing off and on...my mum had watched him that morning as he hoisted my luggage into his trunk and sighed " “Anything happens to her,” she told taye, “this family—we know how to dispose of a body.”I had gigled and turned to him to whisper something in code but I realizedHe wouldn't understandOnly you would. Do you remember sewa? The girl I met you with, the one you had snuggled around your waist as you kissed her forehead the same way you used to do mine.I missed thatShe had cornered me in the bathroom that evening and asked me " I know it's tough on you being in the same space, but honestly try to not show how much you still love my man"It was that word that had set me offHer man? Love?She didn’t know how you liked your custard made, or the story behind the starfish chain you always wore. She wasn't aware of where your mother’s grave lay. Yet she called you hers. With us, it was never love...I was you, and you were me. Do you remember the twins? Those evil beings with broken homes, they had made jabs at me throughout the outing and I had sat there in silence not saying anything in defense...I had glanced up and caught your eyes on me, and even without you saying anything I knew what you asked" why are you letting them walk all over you"How could I make you see that I missed how you shut up any bad remarks about me, in truth it wasn't that I couldn't respond, but that I had gotten used to you doing it for me. I have asked you if you remember them, because I can't explain why I did what I did if you don't remember.Your mother had once pulled me aside that evening before she diedI know you can't remember because you weren't thereShe had called my name and said Take care of himWhat was I to do?That was her dying wish.I wanted you to be happy, I truly didThat's why I gave her an overdoseI had seen the way you were going, Your mothers declining health was affecting your studies, you no longer cared for anything but the weed the twins sold to you.You were drifting away from me.We both knew she was never going to recover...i simply took care of you That care overtime resulted in me doing so many things for you...Most of which you weren't aware about...I had picked up all your broken pieces and fixed them back again , again and again.You never wondered how you passed most of your exams? How your dumb brain would always get first position?How the girls you slept with never came back with a round belly? I must confess PhilipIn truth...i hated youI hated how easily you let things distract you.If it wasn't alcohol, it was women...it always had to be something with youAnd always I had to take care of you. With sewa...something changed.You had your mad moments but you always listened to me...not this time Your bar exams were coming up, but you couldn't have cared less. You attended to her every whim, sniffing coke with that junkie, partying till dawn." I couldn't Allow it. I couldn't let you be derailed by sewa...she had to goThat's why I killed her. Philip...my tears stain this page as I ask you this.How was I to know that you would visit her place drunk?.Or that the police would find you in a pool of her blood?You weren't meant to be there.It wasn't my faultYour lifestyle had just finally cut up with you. But Philip this is where you must decide.Because I need to be free of you...I want to marry taye.I want to have children with him but that can't happen if you're in the pictureEnclosed in this letter is the same drug I gave your mother. Please take it PhilipAnd let us be done with this madness we cursed ourselves with when playing as children, we cut our palms with blades and pressed our bloodied hands to each other as we whispered the words we had watched from that old American movie" Till death do us part " End this marriage PhilipPlease.

Other insights from Eyitoluwase Soyinka

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons