Remember when you said we don't die once, but twice?
Although I had heard that phrase before, it sounded different coming from you. Sadly, it came after you left us. After that, we all left, one after the other. You still owe me, though; I paid for that phone alone. Is Lulu alive or in a better place?
Remember how you'll say, Ben, don't worry, you won't die. Well, like they say, there's a first time for everything. Writing this wasn't easy because it only left me with more questions because you've lived longer than I have—only in the land of the living, though! But then, why do we stay? Why do we hold on, irrespective of how terrible it is? Is giving up the same as moving on? Does it make or break us? Should we continue to ignore the signs in the name of growth and learning? What do we do when the lines get blurry and everything we do to stay in the right circle throws us out of line?
I'm sorry my letter has lots of questions, most of which I should have asked you in person. But, hey, there's still time. I hope you write back so we can all learn. You're obviously not whole; like everyone else, you're differently imperfect! But you stayed. Why do we wait until we are consumed?
Until we lose the best part of ourselves. You leaving made us see the light, and while you may have stylishly encouraged us to take refuge in our abilities and believe in ourselves, you also showed us that the door was never locked. Maybe it's okay to leave, but who decides the best time?
Is the ideal time real, or is it just a concept we made up to make ourselves feel better?
I'm gone now, so I may never know, but others should know that the ball never left their courts.
I hope you read this while you're awake.
Smiles,
Dead Ben