"Confessions of a Chaotic, Trying-to-Grow Human"

MeMyself Yeah 🌝I’ve been trying to arrange my life, put things in order, and just set everything right. I’ve been working on a few things, making changes, and some people have been helping me along the way. New month, new vibes, new me or at least trying to be. First up, I’ve been focusing on building my communication skills. I thank God for that because I’m the type of person who vibes more, talks more, and connects better when I’m physically with people. But online? Oh boy. Calls, video calls… forget it. I don’t have the strength, or maybe the energy, or maybe I just get irritated talking online. If we’re chatting and it’s a normal “hi, hello, how are you?” type of conversation, I get bored easily and just want to end it. So yeah, if I’m having a serious, meaningful conversation online, it has to be worth it crucial, discursive, interesting, or I’ll tap out. But I’m working on it. I’ve been talking to more people, building new friendships, fixing broken ones, and honestly, I think I’m doing pretty well on that front. Then there’s my studies. I drafted a study timetable last week, fully hyped “I’m going to start reading this, do that…” but life happened 🥲. I managed to read just one topic on European politics, my History major being what it is. And since that day? I pack book keep one side 😪. I haven’t opened my book or even checked YouTube for history videos or wikipedia. Today, though, I taxed myself. We have a study group with a few friends, and I told myself, by the end of this week, I’ll cover at least five or six topics from my European Politics course (French Revolution, Age of Revolution, Unification of Germany, Italy, World Wars). I just need to push myself. Revision will follow after that. On positivity, let’s talk skin. Oh God, my skin has been breaking out like crazy. I hate taking care of myself sometimes, pathetic, I know 😂. My face 😪? Rough, patched, pimple city. My hands will not stay put. Always touching, pinching, poking. I hate it. I don’t know how to stop. May God help me. Then, weight loss? Eh… well I’m trying. Not fully committed, but I’m loosely intermittent fasting, all thanks to my laziness. I skip meals till hunger is choking me on my bed. It’s weirdly working. I also started exercising with my roommate, body workouts, three times a week, with rest days, a bit of yoga, and light strolls on Sundays. Small steps, but hey, movement is movement. Church this semester?Somebody praise the Lord 🥳😂🥲Somebody, prai.... Prais..... Praise...... The Lord........ Hallelujah 🙌. After over (a year plus) of not going to church, I’m attending services again, and I’m about to join the workers’ team. Praise God. Also, I joined FASA for indoor games like Scrabble, outdoor games are a no-go area for me. I no fit carry my big body to go play basketball or long tennis. My butt go just kiss ground 😂. Scrabble It’s fun, it’s new, it’s me doing things I normally wouldn’t. And speaking of new things… last week, I linked up with this guy into cinematic photography. He’s always taking shoots, capturing people, fashion around school, and whatever inspires him. We met earlier this year, and he loved my fashion sense, so he snapped some pictures of me. Since then, we’ve been connected via whatsapp status and chill chatting. Then he posted that he needed people for a photographic storyline, casting and all that. Me, being in my “try new things” phase, jumped in. First shoot was last Thursday, and it was lovely. The director saved our numbers, we talked over the weekend, and now another shoot is happening this Friday. First time I literally said, “I’m going out to a shoot, acting in a storyline, taking pictures” new vibes, new phase, and I’m really enjoying it. This semester has been a mess of new experiences, trying new things, fixing myself, building myself, and just… being all over the place. Communication, studies, positivity, fitness, church, indoor games, photography it’s chaotic, but it’s growth and fun-filled. And yes, I know this write-up is jam-packed and rambling 😅, but that’s just me. I’m spilling it all, one paragraph at a time.

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