Before You Say “I Love You”

The people in our community said my parents had a strong marriage. They saw school fees paid on time.They saw my father standing tall in church.They saw my mother kneeling beside him, head covered, voice gentle. They thought love looked like that. They did not see the training ground. My father grew up in a house where love was unstable.A polygamous home.Too many children.Not enough softness. His mother left before he understood abandonment.Years later, someone pointed at a woman in the market and said,“That’s your mother.” He looked.Then he walked away. Because sometimes when love disappears too early, you learn not to chase it. My mother grew up differently, but wounded just the same. Her father died young.Four older brothers replaced protection with control.She hawked under the sun.Counted her coins carefully. They took the money from her hands.If she resisted, they beat her. She learned something dangerous: If you endure long enough,maybe love will eventually be kind. So when they met each other,it looked like destiny. But it was really two wounded peopletrying not to bleed on each other. And this is what no one tells you before you fall in love: There will be moments when love feels thin.Moments when passion quiets.Moments when your partner does not give youwhat they gave at the beginning. There will be days you feel bored.Days you feel unseen.Days when staying feels heavier than leaving. Love does not fade because it dies.Sometimes it fades because it is tired. I watched this in my parents. I saw evenings when my mother tried to talkand my father answered with silence. I saw mornings when my father carried responsibilitylike a cross, but didn’t know how to carry affection. They were not evil.They were inexperienced in tenderness. And then I understood something deeper. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13that love is patient.Love is kind.It does not envy.It does not boast.It keeps no record of wrong. But nobody emphasizes the hardest part: Love always protects.Always trusts.Always hopes.Always perseveres. Always. That word is heavy. Because “always” means even when you’re tired.Even when you’re misunderstood.Even when the spark isn’t sparking. I once asked my mother,“Why didn’t you leave when things were hard?” She didn’t answer immediately. She was peeling onions.The knife moved slowly. “Because leaving is easy when you only love feelings,” she said.“But staying… staying is for people who love the person.” My father once told me,“When you grow up without steady love, you think providing is enough.” And maybe that was his confession. Their marriage was not fireworks.It was construction. It was forgiveness practiced quietly.It was choosing not to weaponize each other’s weaknesses.It was learning.... slowly, how not to repeat what raised them. Before you say “I love you,”you must understand this: Love needs work.It needs forgiveness.It needs sacrifice.It needs you to give equally... not more to resent, not less to withdraw. It needs you to love your partnerespecially on the days they feel unlovable. My parents did not have a perfect love. But they had a working one. And maybe that is what 1 Corinthians 13 was really teaching: Love is not the absence of difficulty.It is the decision to remain gentle inside it. So before you fall in love, before you promise forever.... ask yourself: Can you love someone when the excitement dims?When their trauma surfaces?When their silence triggers your own? Because forever is not built on butterflies. It is built on patience. And patienceis proofthat love is not just something you feel ..... It is somethingyou practice.

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